How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
