THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
