Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They are going to name an STD after you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
