Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
