Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
