i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
