Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
