Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize