I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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