please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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