I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
