Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
