Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
