She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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