if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
