Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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