True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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