I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
