Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
