What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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