the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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