Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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