respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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