You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
