you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
