Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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