Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
