shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So vagazzling was a success
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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