dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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