I just pynch a tree in the face
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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