FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
