I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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