So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
