After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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