i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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