Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
