I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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