I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
