Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize