I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
