three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
