you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
