Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The Olympian is in my bed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
