What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
