I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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