wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
