he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
