there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
