I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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