i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
