I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
