Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
