Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
