I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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