I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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