Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
