I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
