i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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