Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
