dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
