??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
