Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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