if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
