Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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