Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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