I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
