he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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