Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize