I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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