Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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