Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
