My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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