Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
