My first STD was from a foam party
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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