so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
