all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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