I bet he comes in French.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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