thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have demons in me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
