Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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