Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
