I looked at my own cervix.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
