He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this boner is exhausting
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
