She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
