just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
