My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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