my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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