and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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