dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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