O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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