i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
