I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Randomize
