at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i've created a new STD.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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