You made me cry and you don't even care
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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