So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
