I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
