i need an iv and a liver transplant
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
