i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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