you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
