i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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