she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
whose parrot is this?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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