Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
