it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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