we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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