sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
operation have a gay friend backfired
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
