If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize