You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
